REVIEWING THE (UK) CHARTS 2018 Ep. 4
This week was very, very busy so I’m going to get straight to the point here and look at our top ten, which has changed quite a bit to say the least. Top 10 *I suppose we won’t be having Eminem topping the chart for much longer, not even with Ed Sheeran’s help, as Drake’s most recent snoozefest has, in the first time in Reviewing the Charts history, debuted at number-one. All I have to say about this is... really? I’d rather have Lil Pump top the charts, at least he’s relatively interesting. *“Barking” by Ramz stays at number-two in the runner-up position as I just keep on losing interest in this dude. *At number-three, we have last week’s chart-topping “River” by Eminem featuring Ed Sheeran, and I’m not bothered, really, it’s okay, not amazing. *“IDGAF” by Dua Lipa is up by 10 spots all the way to number-four, and that’s just all for the best, this song is amazing. *“Tip Toe” by Jason Derulo featuring French Montana has made the top five, because the UK charts love me today, and decided this should go up three spaces. *The new arrivals are really messing up whatever traction Cardi B’s remix of “Finesse” by Bruno Mars ever had, now it’s down to number-six, but I do hope it makes a rebound soon. *“Perfect” by Ed Sheeran – now just Ed, without Beyoncé for some reason – is down four spots to number-seven, which means the UK is taking baby steps towards no longer caring about Ed Sheeran. Thank God. *We have another new entry into the top ten, with “This is Me” by Keala Settle and The Greatest Showman Ensemble up five spots to number-eight. *Our final new entry into the top ten is “Breathe” by Jax Jones featuring Ina Wroldsen three spaces up to nine. *To finish off our top ten, once again, is the non-mover “I Know You” by Craig David and Bastille. Climbers Other than the top ten having some major change-ups, we also have quite a few climbers and fallers, with the biggest climber being “Strangers” by Sigrid going up a massive 12 spaces to #14. “Feel it Still” by Portugal. The Man also hits the top 20 incredibly late, going up five spaces to #20 – seriously, why now? Is this all because of that advert? Not that I’m upset, this is a great track. “Him & I” by G-Eazy and Halsey also went up five spaces to #27, but if you care about that song at all, I don’t know what to say to you. Other minor climbers include “Bad” by Steel Banglez featuring Yungen, MoStack, Mr. Eazi and Not3s up to #30 and “Bouff Daddy” by J Hus up to #26. Fallers Jesus. The amount of fallers this week is unbelievable, but not many of them are very large. The top twenty contains most of the major drops, with “I Miss You” by Clean Bandit and Julia Michaels dropping seven spaces, “Anywhere” by Rita Ora dropping six spaces, “Let You Down” by NF dropping four spaces, “Never be the Same” by Camila Cabello dropping eight spaces, “17” by MK dropping five spaces and "Decline" by RAYE and Mr. Eazi down three spaces to #11, #12, #13, #15, #16 and #18 respectively. "Havana" by Camila Cabello featuring Young Thug is also down six spaces to #22, unfortunately, as is "Naked" by James Arthur, fortunately. "For You (Fifty Shades Freed)" is proving itself as a flop, with the Liam Payne and Rita Ora debut dropping eight spaces to #29. Justin Timberlake jumped down a 10-spot bridge down to #38 with "Filthy" with me as the cackling overseer. Other minor falls include "No Words" by Dave featuring MoStack down to #24, "Wolves" by Selena Gomez and Marshmello down to #25, "rockstar" by Post Malone featuring 21 Savage down to #31, "New Rules" by Dua Lipa down to #34, "Dimelo" by Rak-Su featuring Naughty Boy and Wyclef Jean down to #35, "Let Me Down" by Jorja Smith featuring Stormzy down to #36, "All the Stars" by Kendrick Lamar and SZA down to #37 and "Silence" by Marshmello featuring Khalid down to #39. Dropouts Maybe my theory is correct. The UK is getting tired of Ed Sheeran, and it's a damn good sight to see "Shape of You" finally drop out the top 40 from #39. Sure, it's still in the top 100, but who cares about the other 60 songs? Let's be fair here. "Man's Not Hot" by Big Shaq finally realises its status as a meme deep into the grave, and drops out from #18 to my glee. Stormzy and MNEK also drop out with "Blinded by Your Grace, Pt. 2" from #37, as does "My My My!" by Troye Sivan from #38 after its first week (flop alert). We haven't talked about the new arrivals yet, but I'm sure this is gonna be a good week looking at these dropouts, fallers and climbers. 'NEW ARRIVALS' Let's see if this really is a good week by looking at our new arrivals. #40 - "Sick Boy" - The Chainsmokers Mark Taggart can’t sing but he does his best here, I suppose, with his slightly nasal multi-tracked vocals over the oddly dark pop ballad, with simple piano melodies played over drums that are not trap snares or rattling hi-hats or steel pans, a first for Reviewing the Charts – yes, seriously. The synths in the bridge are pretty intense as well, making this a pretty powerful alternative rock song, which I can call an ironic anthem for sick boys, I suppose. They say that he’s the sick boy, and his singing voice proves their point massively. It’s not a bad song though, with a better vocalist and maybe, you know, not being completely all over the place in terms of structure, this could have easily been best of the week. We need more upbeat rock in the top 40, even if, yes, it is from the Chainsmokers. #33 - "These Days" - Rudimental featuring Jess Glynne, Macklemore and Dan Caplen Four artists, all of which are hit-and-miss (excluding the complete nobody Dan Caplen), collaborate for something that’s completely out of all their leagues: a largely acoustic yet also largely electronic pop nostalgia ballad, with gospel choir vocals assisting Jess Glynne on the chorus and Dan Caplen channelling his inner Ed Sheeran. It’s actually pretty excellent for a generic pop song, in fact, I’d call it perfect. The vocaloid drop sounds so much like an electric guitar that I can pass it off as a guitar solo, and there’s some creative manipulation of the vocals here to create trumpet-like blares in the post-chorus. Macklemore’s slightly autotuned rap verse isn’t bad, but he doesn’t make much of an impression, especially at the end of his section where he’s overwhelmed by both Caplen and Glynne’s vocals as well as the elegant synths and (real) trumpets. This is essentially a representation of British popular music in 2017, but made so much more natural. Check this out, even if the Bon Jovi song of the same title is much better, just saying. #32 - "Fine Line" - Mabel featuring Not3s We’ve had pop and rock so it’s about time for some boring reggae-rap, right? Nope! Mabel switches things up with a dancehall-influenced tropical R&B jam with a twinkly synth lead and cluttered percussion that could have been cleaned up to match the smoothness of the production and Mabel’s vocals, which make her sound better than she ever has, seriously, she sounds amazing on this track, for the most part. When she doesn’t sound amazing, she’s forcing Jamaican inflections that are so obnoxiously forced it’s borderline racist. Not3s can’t sing, so he decides to mumble back in the mix with Mabel bringing some liveliness to his verse, while he switches up his flow that combines rapping and singing into a weird mush of Future-like nonsense except much more audible. The one thing bringing these two songs down is the guest rapper, but again, their involvement is not noticeable enough to really make them bad songs, or even mediocre. This is pretty nice, and I hope when Mabel’s album comes around, this track is replaced with one without Not3s. Not3s’ name is fitting because his verses are comparable to leet-speak: they’re wastes of time and I’m sick of them. #21 - "Diplomatic Immunity" - Drake I despise Drake to my very core because of his complete lack of interesting qualities, but when he really starts spitting, you have a really good song on your hands. This is no exception, with the orchestral intro leading into a chilled trap beat where Drake can just freestyle bars about, yes, bragging of course, but he pulls it off, with more enthusiasm than he usually has, and some really funny punchlines. While I wish the bass wasn’t as high in the mix as it is, it doesn’t affect the song that much. The several vocal samples of a female voice throughout the track had some soulful smoothness to an otherwise trap beat, making a beautiful contrast between the grittiness of the hi-hats as well as Drake himself (who now listens to heavy metal for meditation; thanks for that update, Aubrey) and the orchestral instruments, which break down into an intense outro which is probably one of the best and most interesting moments in Drake’s career. It’s not that hard, to be fair, but this is taking the cake. If the bass wasn’t as prominent as it was and Drake’s rhymes were tighter, this could have taken best of the week. '#1 '- "God's Plan" - Drake So, this is the big debut from Drake, and is it any interesting? No. Oh, you want me to talk about it? Too bad. Drake doesn’t deserve any more of my interest, and he doesn’t deserve any more of yours. The keys in the background make this a really hard listen, with the autotuned Drake crooning not helping, and when he’s not singing, he’s rapping, but the length of these verses are so short I can just ignore their existence. This is background music, and Drake is a background person who is unfairly pushed into the forefront. Drake has talent, but the sheer oversaturation of him on the charts and in the public conscience is too much for me to handle, and I’m sure it’s too much for Drake to handle. In this case, I understand why his music is so full of dread and reeks of laziness; he can’t truly make what he wants to make and what he has a passion for simply because he is afraid of his relevancy slowly fading away, and I can’t blame him in the world of one-hit wonders and stream-hungry Soundcloud rappers making undeserved waves in the mainstream because at this point, anyone can have a hit, and Drake is one of the very few true pop stars in the game right now. Does this sound familiar? Well, that’s because a similar situation happened between Lil Wayne and Birdman. The apple doesn’t fall too far from the Young Money tree, huh. This is still a bore of a song, though, and totally did not deserve to break all-time streaming numbers. Conclusion So, we ended this week on a slightly depressing note, but overall, this week is awesome, and I don’t think I can even give a worst of the week or a dishonourable mention because the only reason “God’s Plan” fails is because of its drab production and unenthusiastic vocals. Surprise, surprise! That’s Drake for you. Honourable mentions go to “Diplomatic Immunity” and “Sick Boy” by the Chainsmokers for being awesome anthems for the OVO label and... ironic sick boys...? The best of the week goes to pop perfection, as it probably will until I grow sick of the “so-perfect-it’s-boring” trend of songs that seem to be more popular in the UK than the US by a landslide, “These Days” by Rudimental featuring Jess Glynne, Macklemore and Dan Caplen. I’d make predictions but I don’t know what to expect, maybe a Fall Out Boy song or something? God knows. See ya next time on Reviewing the Charts! Category:Songs Category:Music Category:Reviewing the Charts Category:Mrs Chanandler Bong Category:2018